An open letter to Christian parents:
Do you know your children? I’m being serious when I ask that. Do you know your children? I don’t mean their personality, their hobbies- all the things a parent should know about their kids, I am referring to a deeper, more complete kind of knowledge. Do you know their soul?
The teenage years can be especially hard and the ever secularizing world around us makes it that much more difficult. A teenager needs (and actually desires) his/her parents’ help.
According to the State Journal-Register, a study by the University of Queensland and Griffith University discovered that between the years 1991 and 2012, teenagers have said they have “generally begun feeling that they have fewer people to turn to and interact with.”
Fellow teenager Toni McMilland was quoted in an article I recommend* you read by the Guardian saying:
“I’d say that loneliness is caused by parents who don’t take an interest in their kids. It has to go beyond: ‘How was your day?’ – ‘Oh, they said fine, so that’s my role done.’ I see friends who have stay-at-home mums and they are still lonely. A lonely teenager isn’t moping in their bedroom – she’s restless, unrooted. The wearing-black thing is definitely not true.” Parents know they’re supposed to give their kids space, she says, but “I think some parents are so worried about seeming intrusive that it becomes difficult for their kids to get close. We want to be able to talk to our parents. We really rely on their guidance” [emphasis added].
Regardless of how it may seem at times, most teenagers crave that interaction with their parents. Natasha Kizzie says: “It’s crazy how much [teenagers] say their parents matter. There’s a huge reliance on mum – looking to her for solace and direction.”
Christian parents reading this article need to understand the problems the Guardian brings up are real problems but they should also understand these issues go beyond what is implied by the writer. Teenagers need you to pursue them in the way it was written, but they also need you at the Spiritual level.
This article is not a judgment of anyone in their parenting (writing anything of the like with my age and [in]experience would be nothing short of ignorance), but, rather, it is a challenge. Having a thriving relationship on a Spiritual level with your parent(s) is such a blessing.
When I say thriving Spiritual relationship, I mean the kind where the teenager knows he/she can take anything to you: whatever struggle, addiction, temptation, desire, (fill in the blank here) and be met with love, understanding, guidance, and wisdom. This is one of the best ways for the Gospel to be displayed.
It’s not easy and it is certainly not all on the parents– there needs to be effort on both sides. It takes time, too. That kind of trust is not established overnight. One thing my dad and I have done before is literally set aside a time in the week where we share prayer requests and struggles. My relationship both with him and God was strengthened over this time. It gave me the comfort that I could go to him whenever I was struggling with something– no matter how bad it was– and he would lovingly help me. Your child/teenager needs to know that they are going to be met with love, not judgment, when they bring issues to you, even in the correction that may be needed.
Sometimes the teenager just doesn’t want to engage in this kind of conversation; recognize that but do not become discouraged. Continue asking how they are doing in their walk with God; keep creating the opportunity for an open discussion.
So, when I asked if you know your child’s soul, I’m asking if you know their sins, their questions… if you are actively pursuing their hearts on a personal level. If not, I implore you to do so.
Sincerely,
Jacob C. Price
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
*While the article does give good insight into the mind of teenagers on the subject of parenting and loneliness, I do not agree with everything that is stated. i.e. the downplaying of the problem of pornography in the teen’s social life. The article does not represent my moral beliefs and values.