A couple months ago, I wrote a post entitled ‘Worshiping Your Way Out of Despair’ and it was exactly that: how to get out of those ruts. I, myself, was recently in one of these times of despair. It was a time of feeling distant from God, bogged down and stuck in sin; it’s an awful feeling. Because I had studied the topic for a blog post, I KNEW what to do, but the old saying rings true yet again: “knowing is half the battle”. My problem was making excuses such as, ‘Well, I just sinned so I should probably wait’ and ‘I’ll do it in the morning’ which would turn into ‘Eh, I’ll just do it tomorrow’. Where did this get me? Further and further away from God. What DO we do when excuses plague our thoughts and desires?
The first thing I did was actually go back and read my original post which talked about how David worshiped his way out of despair by first remembering the things the Lord had done for him. “Alright,” I thought, “I’ll sit down and make a list of things the Lord has done for me.” I sat down, got my journal and a pencil and… nothing. I racked my brain trying to think and just couldn’t do it. It certainly wasn’t for a lack of God’s goodness, so what was the problem?
That’s when I realized the connection was still broken. Psalm 66:18 tells us that unconfessed sin can cause God to not listen; it breaks that communication and connection, “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened” (NLV). I knew I had to repent before anything else could happen. When I tried to pray for repentance I couldn’t focus and sincerely repent, so I did something I’d never done before: I took out another piece of paper and wrote down the general ways I had wronged God in that period of despair; I wrote down the sins blocking the connection. I then prayed over each and every one of those items on the list. After that? I burned it. Hebrews 8:12 says that the Lord will forget our sins. Once your sins are truly REPENTED (keyword), they are also forgiven by God. Does this mean that an omniscient God actually forget something? No, but God is not hanging REPENTED sin over our heads.
I burned that list and put those ashes in a bottle on my desk as a reminder that my sins were forgiven. When I was worshiping God, there was no need for doubt, no hesitation because the Bible tells me clearly my sins were forgiven. There is something very important to note, though: I didn’t write down every way I had sinned (not possible) and just wallowed in my wrong. There is a difference in mourning over the weight of our sin and just saying how bad we are which, is also known as self-deprecation.
Once the connection issue was addressed and resolved through conviction and repentance, I could list the good that God had done in my life. I filled up more than a page in my journal and that was just the tip of the iceberg. I called upon the amazing things God had done for me just as David had in Psalm 77. I was finally seeing clearly again. Then, still following what I had written in my previous post, I worshiped God. I just praised God for who He was. He deserves more worship than we can physically give just because of who He is. I was able to worship God, focusing everything on Him, as it should be. I was not distracted by the guilt and weight of sin. ALL my focus was on Him and this can’t happen when sin is still blocking that connection.
I pray that sharing my experience can help you, too. We all go through rough patches where it feels we are hopelessly distant from God and don’t know what to do. Different things keep us in that dark place and excuses are what kept me locked up. Remembering that unrepented sin separates us from God is vital in fighting for a solution. It’s not easy but it is certainly worth it. I’d love to read your thoughts and own experiences in the comments. God bless.